life with three
I wrote this post months ago and, like numerous others, never hit publish. this space is mostly for me, as a memoir of sorts as well as an open journal of thoughts, experiences, and learning. always learning. if you are encouraged, great, but please know i do not claim to be an expert or the standard. just another mama learning how best to care for the little hearts God has given me.
I have been mentally writing this email for a while, just waiting for the time to get it out in actual words.
life with three is busy. and not. it's strange. there are the moments where everybody needs something RIGHT NOW and then there are the times when the boys are playing happily, I am feeding evelyn, and life is calm. well, maybe not calm, but not too crazy.
and then there are the days we have to actually be somewhere at a particular time. God forbid. I think there is a supernatural lead-in-shoes invasion that happens on these mornings because it takes an act of the Lord to get out of the door. and I say that only semi-jokingly. many times I have to stop and pray, even if silently, to have the patience, grace, and energy to get all three fed, dressed, changed, pottied, fed some more, and out the door. in one piece. and with some semblance of happiness.
and there are the mornings I have grown to love. the ones where the kids wake up and we snuggle on the couch; we read books together; we casually get breakfast and talk and play music and enjoy the morning together. once evelyn is fed and back down for a nap, the boys play while I exercise, and we just let the day happen. together. yes, those are my favorite days. but, whether it's a hurry-out-the-door day or a stay-in-pajamas until way too late day, there are many things I am learning about life with three three and under. so I thought I would share them with you. your story may look different and most likely does. but perhaps some of these ideas relate to what's going on in your domain.
- be flexible
did you ever go on a mission trip? I went on quite a few pre-marriage/baby and one of the take-home lessons was always "be flexible!". it's kind of a joke, because so many things happen unexpectantly on a mission trip. so it is with little ones. unexplained fevers. unexplained meltdowns. unexplained hunger (is it just me or do your kids eat all.of.the.time.?). unexplained moments where they just need to sit on mama's lap and be held. unexplained squabbles where they need to be reminded that the Holy Spirit can help us to be kind to one another, even when we are frustrated that our blocks got knocked down. unexplained spilled milk. life happens and we mama's need to be flexible. on a practical and personal level, for me this means that I don't hold a "plan" too tightly (this is huge for me). I always have an idea about the morning or day, but I don't become so rigid with it that I lose it when it gets messed up. because inevitably, it will.
- think about life from their perspective
this has helped me immensely. literally, get on your kids' level and see the world the way they do. see what is enticing. think about what it must feel like to be 2 and want more yogurt but you can't express it in words and mama doesn't understand your "words". it gives me such a fresh perspective when I can seek to understand where these little ones are coming from.
- for as many "no's" and "not right now", there needs to be more "YES" and "let's do it!"
you are your kids' world. you are their favorite playmate. sure, there are times when you can't play or read or whatever, but if you're anything like me, you can fill all the time in the world and before you know it, they have watched 4 hours of tv while i'm "turbo wife" (as my husband affectionately calls me) and cleaning up to wazoo and not even engaging with my kids. sometimes I need to put things down and just sit and play. show them they are important to me. it's amazing how even five minutes can go such a long way. you might even be surprised by how fun it is to color the afternoon away or roar like dinosaurs all through the house.
- smile
these little ones are watching. smile at them, for goodness sake.
- take time with each of them.
this is hard. not even going to pretend that it's not. but, God is gracious, and has allowed many days where I had individual time with each of my kids, even just a few moments to hold them, read a book to just one, or just chat over a snack. I want each of my kids to know how special they are to me, that I love being their mama. and, sometimes, a few minutes one-on-one can demonstrate this in ways words cannot. also, it allows a moment to just enjoy them. I know I get caught up taking care of my three, that I forget to simply enjoy each one for who she or he is.
- sometimes I pretend I am the babysitter and not the Mom.
this was a life-saver for me. pre-marriage/kids, I was a pretty awesome babysitter. I was high demand in my circle and loved playing with these kids. then I became a mom. I found myself uptight, grouchy, barking orders like a drill seargeant. ok, maybe not quite such a horrible picture, but pretty close. I think we've all been there. who am I? right? then I remembered those babysitting days. I played with these kids with such joy (because I wasn't ultimately responsible for the outcome). so, sometimes, I just hang out with my kids and try not to stress over the "if they speak rudely to me, they are going to end up in a juvenile detention center". cause clearly, that's the natural progression. it doesn't mean I gloss over their shortcomings or turn a blind eye to their sin; it means that occasionally, I just have fun with my kids!
- it's ok to stay home.
it's very easy as moms to compare, to think we have to do things the way someone else does. as if that's the only "right" way. so not true. every kid is as different as the mama that cares for them. it's ok to evaluate your kids, your family, your situation, and decide what it best for you. (of course, i'm not talking Biblical mandates; i'm simply referring to how to manage your home). that means that some days it's ok to stay home.
- it's ok to get out.
and sometimes it's ok to get out. I know I need it. sometimes, it's a "fun" outing-- we can often be found at a local playground or indoor play area or even our local zoo. sometimes, it's to Target (yes, I am my father's daughter)-- we get an Icee and walk around looking at all the things we don't need until we are so bombarded with marketing schemes that we cave and buy yet another item that we must have. guilty. check out your local library's storytimes, children's museum, kid activities at the gym, etc. it's good to get out, to have a change of scenery, and to enjoy what our beautiful town has to offer.
- simplify
if there is one lie our culture dangles in our gullible faces, it's "you can have it all". and if there's another lie our culture works hard for us to believe, it's "have kids, but live like you don't". we become consumed with all the things we could be doing, so we think we should be doing, and before we know it, we have lost sight of what's important. typically, those "other" things aren't bad things, but we are left frustrated by not having time for the things we want to do. it's kind of like food-- sometimes I get frustrated by what we eat, until I remember that I buy the food. no one is holding me at gunpoint, making me purchase the junk. if we're eating it, it's my fault. similarly, what does our day-to-day life look like? but I have to...and I've got to....and life won't go on if I don't...wait a second, who manages your home? who makes the schedule and decides on the activities and plans the days? the choices I have made to simplify our home has made such a difference. it's not perfect, no one's life is, but 2013 was a year of simplifying for me. cutting back on the unnecessary so I could take hold of the present.
- the most important
I am guilty of carrying the "grace" card-- meaning, I am a mom of little ones, so it's ok that i'm not spending time in the Word, serving, praying, etc. yes, give yourself some grace. life with littles is b.u.s.y. you probably aren't going to have the three-hour quiet times you had pre-kids. but you don't need to peace out on time with Jesus. my kids need me to spend time with Jesus. my kids need to see me making time to spend with Jesus. they need to hear me pray. for them. with them. they need to see me serving. loving others and using our resources to bless others and advance the Kingdom of God. the absolute best thing I can do as a mommy is to pursue Jesus.
- take a minute
I am not on the "me time" bandwagon. I think being a mommy is (and should be) hard work. it's 24/7 and on-call and weekends. that said, I despise the martyrdom syndrome. and I am guilty of falling into this trap sometimes. I very often "work hard, and not smart" and make myself (and probably my kids) miserable. I am learning to take a minute. to get the kids settled with a snack and a show and take a shower. without an audience. or, as of the transition to three kids, take a morning, call a babysitter, and get some errands run without the whole troop. this has been so good for me. it gives me some time to look forward to and a productive time, running errands in half the time. I prayed for a babysitter for my kids and God graciously provided a young lady who loves my kids and plays with and cares for them with a heart of joy. i know everyone doesn't have this luxury. so pray about how you can, if needed, work in some time to just take a minute and be thankful for the little ones God has given you. sometimes it takes a minute to yourself to truly appreciate these little blessings.
what has mommyhood taught you?
I have been mentally writing this email for a while, just waiting for the time to get it out in actual words.
life with three is busy. and not. it's strange. there are the moments where everybody needs something RIGHT NOW and then there are the times when the boys are playing happily, I am feeding evelyn, and life is calm. well, maybe not calm, but not too crazy.
and then there are the days we have to actually be somewhere at a particular time. God forbid. I think there is a supernatural lead-in-shoes invasion that happens on these mornings because it takes an act of the Lord to get out of the door. and I say that only semi-jokingly. many times I have to stop and pray, even if silently, to have the patience, grace, and energy to get all three fed, dressed, changed, pottied, fed some more, and out the door. in one piece. and with some semblance of happiness.
and there are the mornings I have grown to love. the ones where the kids wake up and we snuggle on the couch; we read books together; we casually get breakfast and talk and play music and enjoy the morning together. once evelyn is fed and back down for a nap, the boys play while I exercise, and we just let the day happen. together. yes, those are my favorite days. but, whether it's a hurry-out-the-door day or a stay-in-pajamas until way too late day, there are many things I am learning about life with three three and under. so I thought I would share them with you. your story may look different and most likely does. but perhaps some of these ideas relate to what's going on in your domain.
- be flexible
did you ever go on a mission trip? I went on quite a few pre-marriage/baby and one of the take-home lessons was always "be flexible!". it's kind of a joke, because so many things happen unexpectantly on a mission trip. so it is with little ones. unexplained fevers. unexplained meltdowns. unexplained hunger (is it just me or do your kids eat all.of.the.time.?). unexplained moments where they just need to sit on mama's lap and be held. unexplained squabbles where they need to be reminded that the Holy Spirit can help us to be kind to one another, even when we are frustrated that our blocks got knocked down. unexplained spilled milk. life happens and we mama's need to be flexible. on a practical and personal level, for me this means that I don't hold a "plan" too tightly (this is huge for me). I always have an idea about the morning or day, but I don't become so rigid with it that I lose it when it gets messed up. because inevitably, it will.
- think about life from their perspective
this has helped me immensely. literally, get on your kids' level and see the world the way they do. see what is enticing. think about what it must feel like to be 2 and want more yogurt but you can't express it in words and mama doesn't understand your "words". it gives me such a fresh perspective when I can seek to understand where these little ones are coming from.
- for as many "no's" and "not right now", there needs to be more "YES" and "let's do it!"
you are your kids' world. you are their favorite playmate. sure, there are times when you can't play or read or whatever, but if you're anything like me, you can fill all the time in the world and before you know it, they have watched 4 hours of tv while i'm "turbo wife" (as my husband affectionately calls me) and cleaning up to wazoo and not even engaging with my kids. sometimes I need to put things down and just sit and play. show them they are important to me. it's amazing how even five minutes can go such a long way. you might even be surprised by how fun it is to color the afternoon away or roar like dinosaurs all through the house.
- smile
these little ones are watching. smile at them, for goodness sake.
- take time with each of them.
this is hard. not even going to pretend that it's not. but, God is gracious, and has allowed many days where I had individual time with each of my kids, even just a few moments to hold them, read a book to just one, or just chat over a snack. I want each of my kids to know how special they are to me, that I love being their mama. and, sometimes, a few minutes one-on-one can demonstrate this in ways words cannot. also, it allows a moment to just enjoy them. I know I get caught up taking care of my three, that I forget to simply enjoy each one for who she or he is.
- sometimes I pretend I am the babysitter and not the Mom.
this was a life-saver for me. pre-marriage/kids, I was a pretty awesome babysitter. I was high demand in my circle and loved playing with these kids. then I became a mom. I found myself uptight, grouchy, barking orders like a drill seargeant. ok, maybe not quite such a horrible picture, but pretty close. I think we've all been there. who am I? right? then I remembered those babysitting days. I played with these kids with such joy (because I wasn't ultimately responsible for the outcome). so, sometimes, I just hang out with my kids and try not to stress over the "if they speak rudely to me, they are going to end up in a juvenile detention center". cause clearly, that's the natural progression. it doesn't mean I gloss over their shortcomings or turn a blind eye to their sin; it means that occasionally, I just have fun with my kids!
- it's ok to stay home.
it's very easy as moms to compare, to think we have to do things the way someone else does. as if that's the only "right" way. so not true. every kid is as different as the mama that cares for them. it's ok to evaluate your kids, your family, your situation, and decide what it best for you. (of course, i'm not talking Biblical mandates; i'm simply referring to how to manage your home). that means that some days it's ok to stay home.
- it's ok to get out.
and sometimes it's ok to get out. I know I need it. sometimes, it's a "fun" outing-- we can often be found at a local playground or indoor play area or even our local zoo. sometimes, it's to Target (yes, I am my father's daughter)-- we get an Icee and walk around looking at all the things we don't need until we are so bombarded with marketing schemes that we cave and buy yet another item that we must have. guilty. check out your local library's storytimes, children's museum, kid activities at the gym, etc. it's good to get out, to have a change of scenery, and to enjoy what our beautiful town has to offer.
- simplify
if there is one lie our culture dangles in our gullible faces, it's "you can have it all". and if there's another lie our culture works hard for us to believe, it's "have kids, but live like you don't". we become consumed with all the things we could be doing, so we think we should be doing, and before we know it, we have lost sight of what's important. typically, those "other" things aren't bad things, but we are left frustrated by not having time for the things we want to do. it's kind of like food-- sometimes I get frustrated by what we eat, until I remember that I buy the food. no one is holding me at gunpoint, making me purchase the junk. if we're eating it, it's my fault. similarly, what does our day-to-day life look like? but I have to...and I've got to....and life won't go on if I don't...wait a second, who manages your home? who makes the schedule and decides on the activities and plans the days? the choices I have made to simplify our home has made such a difference. it's not perfect, no one's life is, but 2013 was a year of simplifying for me. cutting back on the unnecessary so I could take hold of the present.
- the most important
I am guilty of carrying the "grace" card-- meaning, I am a mom of little ones, so it's ok that i'm not spending time in the Word, serving, praying, etc. yes, give yourself some grace. life with littles is b.u.s.y. you probably aren't going to have the three-hour quiet times you had pre-kids. but you don't need to peace out on time with Jesus. my kids need me to spend time with Jesus. my kids need to see me making time to spend with Jesus. they need to hear me pray. for them. with them. they need to see me serving. loving others and using our resources to bless others and advance the Kingdom of God. the absolute best thing I can do as a mommy is to pursue Jesus.
- take a minute
I am not on the "me time" bandwagon. I think being a mommy is (and should be) hard work. it's 24/7 and on-call and weekends. that said, I despise the martyrdom syndrome. and I am guilty of falling into this trap sometimes. I very often "work hard, and not smart" and make myself (and probably my kids) miserable. I am learning to take a minute. to get the kids settled with a snack and a show and take a shower. without an audience. or, as of the transition to three kids, take a morning, call a babysitter, and get some errands run without the whole troop. this has been so good for me. it gives me some time to look forward to and a productive time, running errands in half the time. I prayed for a babysitter for my kids and God graciously provided a young lady who loves my kids and plays with and cares for them with a heart of joy. i know everyone doesn't have this luxury. so pray about how you can, if needed, work in some time to just take a minute and be thankful for the little ones God has given you. sometimes it takes a minute to yourself to truly appreciate these little blessings.
what has mommyhood taught you?
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